Ah New year's day.. a day full of good intentions. A day full of promise of another year to get things "right". I slowly started my "New Year resolutions" back in November. Let me take you back to August, just to fill you in on a couple of things. In August I found out the we were expecting again. This was a surprise to us, but a wonderful surprise. I had a hard time dealing with the mental shift of going from training everyday as hard as I could, while also trying out new eating regimens. I was trying to get rid of that last little bit of love handle and struggling with it mentally. I knew that in reality I was in great shape and should have been happy, but I wasn't. Maybe I need to mention that I can be a bit obsessive (except about blogging.. cause I'm so busy being obsessive about other things), so obsessive that I can not own a scale. I just can't do it. I have the type of body that is heavy, dense, thick, and so I can fit into a size 4 pair of jeans and my weight will still be higher than what my "ideal number" (in my head) is. I will weigh myself several times a day and it just becomes very unhealthy. So I have learned that I have to go by how my clothes fit, how my body feels, and measurements. I'm such a HUGE proponent of taking pictures and measurements when starting out a new exercise routine. So when I found out that I was pregnant, I had to make that mental shift into "it is now ok to gain weight" Let me say that it was HARD! It took a while for me to be ok with the weight I was gaining. I knew pretty much right away that I was having a boy, I just "knew". So when I immediately started gaining weight in my hips, butt and thighs at a rapid pace, I just silently confirmed my "guess". I was 16 weeks and going in for a routine visit with my midwife, and mentioned that I had seen a very small spot of blood, so she mentioned that we would do an ultrasound just to check things out. She put the ultrasound wand on my belly and as soon as the image popped up on screen I knew. I had lost our baby. Immediately all the thoughts of me obsessing over my weight, obsessing over my running, or lack there of, my workouts, flooded my brain with their most evil sides. Maybe I had worked out too hard, maybe I shouldn't have complained so much about my weight, I should have enjoyed the pregnancy more.. etc etc etc. My mind was a terrible place to be in that moment. Blame was ruling the scene and it was horrible. I am very fortunate to have amazing friends and family and they were/are a wonderful support system. When I went into the hospital and delivered our baby, my suspicions were confirmed.... It was a Boy. Uptown's only biological boy. A whole new level of horrible.
I waited a week, just like the Dr asked, before I threw myself back into an exercise regime. It was/is my outlet, my sanity.
Wow, I didn't mean to get so into details about all of that, but well there you have it.
So with a new year comes new resolutions. My resolutions or goals of this year are:
- Start running again, Half marathon in April and Full in October.
- Start eating food for fuel, and stop using it to comfort (cookies I'm looking at you)
- More yoga. I LOVE yoga and I don't do enough
- Do one post a day for the entire year. (this is the hardest one of all)
What are your goals? What do you want to accomplish this year?
. My goals, my story, my first post of the year. I'm going to try to post recipes, and log workouts. If you have any tips, tricks, vegetarian/vegan recipes, or just comments please feel free to post in the comments. I would LOVE feedback, or if anyone wants to follow along, let me know.
Happy New Year.
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